By Sarah Dochow

Have you ever thought “Oh how I would love to be young and stress-free again?” Well, the thing is young people, like adults, experience stress. It can show up in a lot of different ways. And can stem from a variety of sources including doing well in school, making and sustaining friendships, or managing perceived expectations from their parents, teachers or coaches. Some stress can be positive in that it provides the energy to tackle a big test, presentation or sports event.

Too much stress, however, can create unnecessary hardship and challenge. Adults can sometimes be unaware of when their children or teens are experiencing overwhelming feelings of stress. Tuning into emotional or behavioral cues is important in identifying potential problems and working with your young person to provide guidance and support to successfully work through difficult times.

Here are some tips from the American Psychological Association on ways to recognize possible signs of stress:

Watch for negative changes in behavior

Youth of all ages, but especially younger children, may find it difficult to recognize and verbalize when they are experiencing stress. For children, stress can manifest itself through changes in behavior. Common changes can include acting irritable or moody, withdrawing from activities that used to give them pleasure, routinely expressing worries, complaining more than usual about school, crying, displaying surprising fearful reactions, clinging to a parent or teacher, sleeping too much or too little, or eating too much or too little.

With teens, while spending more time with and confiding in peers is a normal part of growing up, significantly avoiding parents, abandoning long-time friendships for a new set of peers or expressing excessive hostility toward family members, may indicate that the teen is experiencing significant stress.

While negative behavior is not always linked to excessive stress, negative changes in behavior are almost always a clear indication that something is wrong. Adults will want to pay attention to these behaviors and determine an appropriate response or intervention.

Understand that “feeling sick” may be caused by stress

Stress can also appear in physical symptoms such as stomach aches and headaches. If a child makes excessive trips to the school nurse or complains of frequent stomachaches or headaches (when they have been given a clean bill of health by their physician), or if these complaints increase in certain situations (e.g., before a big test) that child may be experiencing significant stress.

Be aware of how your child or teen interacts with others

Sometimes a child or teen may seem like his or her usual self at home but be acting out in unusual ways in other settings. It is important for parents to network with one another so that they can come to know how child or teen is doing in the world around them. In addition to communicating with other parents, being in contact with teachers, school administrators and leaders of extracurricular activities can help parents tap into their child’s or teen’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and be aware of any sources of concern.

Listen and translate

Because children are often not familiar with the word stress and it’s meaning, they may express feelings of distress through other words such as “worried,” “confused,” “annoyed” and “angry.” Children and teens may also express feelings of stress by saying negative things about themselves, others, or the world around them (e.g. “No one likes me,” “I’m stupid,” “Nothing is fun.”). It is important for parents to listen for these words and statements and try to figure out why your child or teen is saying them and whether they seem to indicate a source or sources of stress.

Time away from technology

In this day and age, it is more important than ever that our kids learn the importance of disconnecting from technology. The pressures of social media and the negative impacts it has on kids’ self-image and self-worth is tremendous. Encourage your kids to take breaks from screen time and technology. Plan time for play or connecting with nature. Parents are highly encouraged to practice this as well as it is important that they model this.

Seek support

Parents, children, and teens do not need to tackle overwhelming stress on their own. If a parent is concerned that his or her child or teen is experiencing significant symptoms of stress on a regular basis, including, but not limited to those described above, it can be helpful to work with a licensed mental health professional, such as a counselor.  Counselors have special training to help people identify problems and develop effective strategies to resolve overwhelming feelings of stress.

Sammamish, WA: If you need support around stress, CrossPath Counseling and Consultation has licensed mental health professionals that can help kids, teens and adults handle stress more effectively.  Give us a call at (425) 369-1111 or go to our website at for more info.

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